Lately I find myself having conversations with women about being women. And how we find it extremely challenging to just relax. Why is that?
Do you know a calm woman? A Zen woman? A woman that’s never constantly busy? A woman that says she’s not available to help because she’s taking care of herself?
A big part of my time in therapy was focused on learning to relax. Another big part of it was to learn how to use my anger in a healthy way. And most importantly, identifying the reasons why I had to be constantly busy and what was driving it.
It’s really interesting for me to reflect back on the times where I was condemned for being “An angry woman”. Like anger isn’t a natural human emotion? It’s like berating someone for breathing - something we need to stay alive. Anger is something we need to stay alive. Used in a healthy way, it keeps us out of situations and away from people who are a danger to us. And we’re not just talking about physical danger, we’re talking about emotional and mental danger too. But women are not allowed to be angry now, are they?
Processing anger is just as important (if not more important) than sadness. And when it’s suppressed, well, it causes all kinds of problems like high blood pressure, anxiety, insomnia, weight gain and inflammation. To name but a few. The biggest issue caused by suppressed anger in women? An unregulated nervous system - which leads to all of the above illnesses. When a nervous system isn’t regulated, the immune system is shot to shit. It cannot protect us. (Video on this later!)
What prevents us from being able to relax? An unregulated nervous system. What causes an unregulated nervous system? Suppressed emotions. What causes us to suppress our emotions? Fear of other people’s opinions. Fear of upsetting anyone.
Historically, as women, our purpose is to serve others. It is in our DNA to serve others. I don’t know about you but like, serving people on the regular and putting ourselves last is sure to cause, well, anger, right?